I choose to pursue solace, seek it out every day with each breath I take. If my pursuit takes me to helping another grieving parent or saving a life so be it. It is part of who I am.
This is my own personal declaration to find peace because it is who I was before my son was taken, and it is who I am since. I cannot afford to torment myself, family, friends, co-workers and anyone else in my life by allowing my pain control me - I choose to control my pain.
I don't know where my path will lead; to a new pinnacle or a decaying precipice, rotting out from under me as I fight to keep from falling into a deeper pit to climb from yet again? But in the here and now, and for what I see to come, I know I bask in the warmth of my son's love; he would not want me to be stuck like a scratched record repeating the same lamentations over and over; losing who I taught him to be and who I am.
This who I am. This is how I choose to memorialize my son. Yes so true, I want my Tim with me. I am conscious of this hole in my heart, perhaps my soul.
To me seeking out solace does not mean forgetting.